Of Vampires and Insomniacs
by Midnight's Violet Haze
Summary: What do these two species have in common? Why they're both easily tamed by coffee of course! Because strange things happen in the city at night, because working too hard really can affect your sanity and because vampires. don't. sparkle. Modern!AU R


**Hello readers. Just taking a little Sasuhina-filled break from the Happy Holidays Series, but I'll be getting right to work on that next, so don't worry. Anyways this story was vaguely inspired by College Humor's 'Vampire Reunion'. Vaaaguely. One of Kids in the Hall's secretary Cathy and Kathy sketches also helped the story along.**

**Disappointingly this story is stuck in limbo somewhere between humor and romance, not quite achieving either genre. Well, hopefully you can still appreciate it's...woww, I can't even think of an adjective for this.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto, Coffee, Kids in the Hall, College Humor, Vampires... (etc.) do not belong to me. Basically, I don't own anything. I'm not even sure if I can claim this (sad) plot..**

**Dun Dun Dunnnn (what?)**

----(I am a line) ----

Of Vampires and Insomniacs

So there she was; on the street in the middle of the night, accosted by a tall, dark and _frothing-at-the-mouth _male when the similarity to her pink-haired co-worker _that day they switched to decaf_ suddenly struck her. Completely disregarding his obvious ability to overpower her, with just one pinky, no less, Hinata snapped her fingers while her pale eyes lit up in the proverbial light bulb's stead and she dragged the man, the stranger, into the corner café.

'_Don't want him smashing his fist through a cubicle wall like Sakura-san, after all.'_

This bold move that was at odds with Hinata's famous push-over personality – along with her being out-and-about at the ungodly hour of three in the morning – can be attributed to her upcoming promotion because, you see, stress built up from late nights at the office, ironing out details with her redheaded boss, had really taken a toll on Hinata's health and sanity.

Or perhaps insomnia was contagious. Hinata made a mental note to avoid spending _too_ much time confined with _Gaara-sama_.

After placing a polite order for two straight black coffees, Hinata procured for herself and the man a window table. He seemed rather disoriented, but followed her lead and took a seat. Quickly abandoning her coat on the back of her chair, Hinata offered out her hand and smiled as charmingly as the purple bags beneath her eyes would allow, "My name is Hyuuga Hinata."

The man, Hinata realized, seemed to have walked out of the pages of a romance novel; rather tall dark and _handsome_ now that his slobbering had subsided. However, his personality wasn't quite up to par as he merely snarled something at her, revealing comically large canines that had Hinata smothering a small giggle. Unfortunately, he caught her amusement and appeared highly affronted. He leaned forward – _'preparing to pounce_' screamed sane-Hinata somewhere in the back of current-Hinata's head – but was interrupted by a haggard waiter who promptly slammed their orders down and charged off. The man cast a dubious look at the steaming cup before him and so Hinata, convinced that he was afraid of being rude, decided to reassure him.

"Drink, drink," she ushered him with her hands, taking a sip of her own to set an example, followed by a larger gulp, for good measure.

With a perplexed frown, the man did as instructed, though less enthusiastically than his predecessor. His eyes positively glowed – alerting Hinata to their unusual colour – before dulling down to a calmer russet. He then proceeded to swallow all but the cup, licking his lips in an unintentionally seductive manner afterwards. "Uchiha Sasuke," he then said, though with no intention of a handshake.

"You have nice eyes, Uchiha-san," Hinata said mildly, still absorbed with her own coffee. It seemed that this remark broke the ice, of which Hinata herself had been unaware, because Sasuke's gaunt face alighted with an amused smirk.

He raised a brow, "You don't think they're strange?"

Hinata lifted her own brow, fluttering her eyes in a manner just short of obnoxious.

Sasuke smirked again, "Point taken. We are fairly similar-looking, are we not?"

Hinata blinked, slowly this time. "Beg pardon?"

"Strange eyes, pale skin, dark hair," he listed off, suspiciously studying her reaction. When met with Hinata's usual innocent expression his shoulders slumped almost unnoticeably and there was a faint air of disappointment around him, but he tilted the corner of his lips upwards nevertheless. "You're probably a lot…nicer than me, though."

"If you don't mind me saying, you seem kind enough to me, Uchiha-san," Hinata said automatically and there was another glint of amusement in his features, overpowered by an almost self-loathing emotion.

"Trust me, I'm anything but _nice_," he said flatly, leaving no room for argument. He shifted towards the door, but then glanced at her and stilled. "So what brings you out at this hour?" he asked instead, moving onto lighter topics.

"Ah, well…" Hinata mumbled, cheeks warming with pride – a recent development that shocked her at first – at the thought of her hard earned reward after years of diligent work. It was worth every sleepless minute.

"Am I about to hear the scandalous recollections of a partying city-girl?" Sasuke teased, striking eyes taking on an inadvertent predatory gleam.

Face now completely flushed with the thought of being mistaken for one of _those_ girls, Hinata attempted a glare that Sasuke outright laughed at. "Better than a caffeine addict prowling around at a complete loss without his drug of choice," she bit out and Sasuke only laughed louder.

Ignoring the grumpy waiter's annoyed glare, Sasuke basked in his mirth until it finally died out. "Wow, it's been forever since I've laughed that hard," he breathed out.

Put off at being the object of his entertainment, Hinata pouted. "I'm sure it hasn't been that long."

Sasuke shrugged, still smiling, "A millennium, give or take a century, -"

Hinata scoffed.

"-but is that what you thought? Why you dragged me in here?" he continued, ignoring her interjection.

"Of course!" Hinata exclaimed. "I've seen it many times, you know," she told him, nodding as if she were some sort of expert, "Withdrawal: anyone who is dependent on a certain substance for whatever reason goes through it."

"Oh?" Sasuke placed his chin on his folded hands, his attentiveness lined with thick mocking, "But if I was experiencing 'withdrawal' as you say, wouldn't that mean that I was, attempting, to quit this particular…substance? And so, did you not play the part of a…drug-pusher by forcing me in here?"

Appalled at the suggestion, Hinata was quick to defend herself. "I certainly did not _force_ you in any way. You could have resisted if you so pleased," she said, taking on the formal speech she donned when arguing cases.

"As you said before, I was 'at a loss', as people usually are when in withdrawal, I wouldn't have put up much of a fight," he insisted and though there was no such sign or give-away, Hinata had the distinct impression that he was flat out lying.

Smiling despite herself, Hinata decided to push back the unexpectedly competitive nature that was the main contributor to her promotion and forgo an intense debate as she _really_ needed a break from work. "Okay," she conceded, "You caught me; my favourite pastime is to promote unhealthy obsessions and addictions. I'll even admit to singlehandedly being the cause of my sister's shopaholic tendencies." She play-acted remorse, "I'm a truly horrible person and you are infinitely lucky that yours is only a fanatical love for coffee. Believe me, it's a lot easier to manage than Hanabi-chan's vice. A lot easier on the wallet as well, or so my cousin says…"

Hinata didn't know how or why but at the mention of her family the previous humorous atmosphere had evaporated and was replaced with a deep sadness.

"Yes. Lucky." Sasuke repeated mindlessly with a painful, grimace of a smile.

Hinata sighed, annoyed at herself for ruining the mood, and then lifted her arm, beckoning the less-than-willing waiter. "As your official drug-pusher," she said, "I _insist_ that you have another cup."

Sasuke's newly brightened eyes seemed to linger a little below her chin before he quickly averted them, swallowing loudly. "I think you're probably right," he agreed.

And so the night – early morning – continued; friendly, if sarcastic, chatter flowing easily between the two, and by sunrise they had each consumed exactly five cups each with one bran-muffin for Hinata.

"Well it was nice meeting you," Hinata declared, lifting her weary body from its previous perch. She stretched out her sore limbs as demurely as possible. "I really am sorry for pulling you in here," she apologized – a sure sign that sane-Hinata was slowly, but surely regaining her place. Across from her Sasuke stood up fluidly as if he had not just spent over three hours in the same position.

"It's fine," he said dismissively and then added, almost shyly, "I had…fun."

Hinata smiled and nodded in agreement, a touch of colour decorating the apples of her cheeks. "It's the most fun I've ever had before…," she checked her thin wristwatch, "7AM – oh! I need to get to work soon."

Once they were both on the street, Hinata turned to leave and was surprised when Sasuke began to walk beside her. "I was raised a gentleman," he said.

Hinata shook her head, "And here I was under the impression that chivalry was dead."

Beside her Sasuke chuckled under his breath, "_Dead_, indeed." His gaze trailed up towards the faint rays of sunlight peeking over the horizon and he winced lightly before focusing his attention elsewhere.

"You know," he said louder, making Hinata turn to him inquisitively, "At first I thought you were crazy (not that I was really thinking rationally at the time)– I mean, you had to be to approach someone suspiciously lurking in an alleyway. Either that, or extremely stupid." He smirked at Hinata's indignant expression, but didn't stop with his musings, "Then I thought that you must be…like me. But you would still have to be crazy or stupid to think you could take me on. That idea was quickly shot down and can you believe I was actually disappointed? Anyway, I've finally figured you out. You're not insane or ignorant; you're just…much too innocent for your own good naive even."

Thoroughly confused at this point, Hinata continued to lead the way to her apartment, but kept quiet, wanting to see where he was going with this.

"And even though I definitely don't deserve it, you're innocence stopped me from committing (yet another) unspeakable crime and so, I want to say…" he stopped and Hinata belatedly realized they had reached her apartment building.

He grasped her shoulders, initiating the first physical contact between them, and looked deeply into her eyes, trying to convey the depth of his sincerity as he said, "Thank you."

"Ah…you're welcome," Hinata murmured dazedly. She felt as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice water down her back, the chill pervading her clothes and skin, enveloping the bones of her spine. It began to dawn on her that, though beautiful, Sasuke's eyes, now bright garnet, were actually _terrifying_.

Something seemed to come over him then, something sinister. His gentle grasp transformed into a bone crushing grip and the black in his eyes began to spin. Hinata longed for the bravery that had allowed her to, as Sasuke had said, _approach someone suspiciously lurking in an alleyway_.

'_We were in an alleyway?'_

Little details that she had overlooked in her fatigue suddenly hitting her one at a time, their impact propelling her closer to a truth that she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Could you do me a favour?" Sasuke whispered breathily across her skin; suddenly he was so close. Hinata felt something sharp brush the skin of her neck and she gasped.

'_That's right; he had unusually _large_ canines…'_

The hairs on the back of Hinata's neck stood on end and her entire body tensed. "Ano…sure," she squeaked, involuntarily defying her inner-conscious which was currently screaming at her to _run_.

Too late – a sharp pain assaulted her senses, Sasuke's teeth sinking through her flesh with ease. Hinata moaned, small, small hands trying uselessly to push the larger body back.

'_He…his body is like stone…I can't-'_

Mind moving sluggishly, Hinata saw, rather than felt, Sasuke pull away from her as if in slow motion; her body was too numb. In fact, that was the last thing she saw and even as her eyes rolled back she continued to see horrified black eyes staring right back at her.

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"Dammit!" Sasuke swore furiously, holding the limp girl in his arms. "_Dammit_, what was I _thinking _getting so close to her!? The second time – this is the _second time_ I almost _killed_ her today! I should have left after that first coffee – what the _fuck_ was I thinking!?"

Breathing hard after his outburst, Sasuke ran one hand through his already disheveled hair, yanking harshly as if trying to punish himself. "Okay," he sighed, "_Okay_." His eyes narrowed as he became aware of a prickling sensation on his marble skin – he had to move, fast. Rearranging Hinata into a bridal position, he pulled out the keys he had heard jingling in her coat pocket through their entire walk; the sound as loud as a car horn to his sensitive ears. He closed his eyes and followed Hinata's scent, entering the apartment complex and climbing twelve storeys instantly. He opened his eyes at the bland door and quickly unlocked it, speeding through the flat and into the bedroom, _Hinata's_ bedroom. Placing the waif of a girl on the bed with uncharacteristic tenderness, his dark eyes softened.

"You've really helped me out too much," he told her, not quite managing to sound scolding. "And this is how I repay you," he said with a guilty frown. He inspected her prone figure, taking in the pale, dark beauty that had, for a moment, fooled him into thinking she too was one of his kind. Sasuke rolled his eyes at his deluded, wishful thinking, wondering how he could have overlooked her steady breathing, lively pulse and all too human blushes for even that moment.

"I'll make it up to you," he promised. And he knew he would. He would even the score somehow, but he would make sure to never get that close to her again, lest temptation get the better of him.

So the sad little vampire soaked up her presence, knowing he would never get such a chance again, would never allow himself such a chance again…

"Wait a minute...how the hell am I supposed to get out of here when it's light outside?"

Sometimes you can't fight fate Sasuke.

-----------------

Later that morning one Hyuuga Hinata woke up to discover that she that had no memory of the past few hours, her answering machine was full of angry messages from her boss and her cupboards had been raided of all coffee beans.

She turned around, the last sight having been enough to send her crawling back into bed, and froze.

That morning one Hyuuga Hinata also discovered one Uchiha Sasuke sitting awkwardly at her kitchen table.

"So..."

The End..?

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**Yeah, well, I thought to myself "now what is the one logical way that a vampire and a normal human being could meet, considering vampires burn (NOT sparkle) in the sun and therefore could not attend high school (though I don't understand why they'd want to go through that hell more than once anyway)?" And thus this was born.**

**Although honestly, this scenario is just as highly unlikely and lacking in logic as the events of Twilight (also not mine). And is it just me or did I use the word 'though' wayyy too much?**

**Also, did Sasuke's vampirism remind you too much of the Inuzukas? I did do research on vampires (the traditional kind, not this modern version crapp) and so I did my best to convey it properly, but…gah maybe the Inuzukas are just vampires in disguise. And the soldier pills they take (think Kiba in the chuunin prelims) are actually BLOOD!…Ahem. It's unfortunate that I couldn't show off my new found knowledge of vamps more, but I only put as much as necessary, didn't want to overload the fic and turn it into a vampire fact sheet. Just so you know, the reason Hinata does not turn into a vampire after being bitten is because according to my research in Japanese mythology humans turn into vampires when they are dead and a vampire cat steals their soul from their corpse…yeah…**

**Anyways, controversies aside, please review and tell me what you thought!**

**Midnight's Violet Haze**

**HS**


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